Fishing, Jesus & A Baseball Bat

TRUE STORY - One day I was flipping through channels on my parents' TV. I was bored and nothing was on. Eventually, I landed on a fishing show. I'm not a big fishing fan, but I figured, "What the hell, it beats watching nothing." So I kept it on.

The hosts started talking about the Bible as they sat in the boat, hooks in the water. Leviticus this and Gospel that. I hit the "channel display" button. Sure enough, I was on the Bible channel.

Something told me not to change the channel. Maybe it was God or Jesus -- or pure laziness. Whatever it was, I was in for a treat.

The hosts continued their talk about the many parables of Jesus, fishing and faith. About 5 minutes went by and I started getting bored. As I picked up the remote from my lap, one of the hosts shouted that he had a hit. Quickly the two fishermen started working to bring the big guy into the boat.

They struggled and struggled as the fish fought them the whole way.

One of the hosts started talking about another fish he had caught a year ago. I hadn't noticed they were fishing for marlin before that conversation. I suddenly remembered that awful book (I actually liked it) The Old Man In The Sea. I knew that marlin fishing was tough fishing.

They fought to bring the fish on board the boat. It was flapping and flailing around, almost knocking one of the fishermen into the water.

"These babies will fight you tooth and nail!" one of the hosts told the other. He continued: "Get the...yeah....that one...."

Out of nowhere the guy handed him a baseball bat and, with the furry of Babe Ruth, he went to town on this fish. Trying to knock it out. He beat the shit out of it. It was like they were beating the crap out of Joe Pesci's character in Casino. (BTW: One of the most gruesome beat-downs ever filmed!)

They just kept at it for a good minute or two. Each taking turns with the baseball bat. Finally the fish was out cold. Not dead, just fucked up. Since marlins can't be trusted (or so it was made to seem that way) they had to finish the job. One of the fishermen pulled from his pocket a .22 pistol (it was a Saturday Night special). He then put about 5 rounds into the fish at point blank range.

The violence, blood and rage just seemed to come from nowhere. It was fucked up! Especially knowing that somewhere an 8 year-old kid was watching the God Channel and being taught that kicking the shit out of fish is fun and Biblical.

The show ended with the guys in the boat relating the catching of the fish to the anguish that Christ felt on the cross and before his death. Fade to black......