GOT SLAMMED LAST NIGHT!

POETRY SLAM

Jenn D invited Sarah and I to a Poetry Slam dealio last night (it was actually the Grand Slam). I wasn't sure I was going to go, since I worked yesterday and had to be here this morning. I also took an Imitrex yesterday for a migraine I had been fighting for a few days. But after I went home, ate and slept for 15 minutes I decided I wanted to go.

And it was a fun time! Jen was fantastic and kinda made me horny. Her poems during the slam were kinda, uhm, ahhhh, sexual in nature (of fucking course). A few of the other poets were also fantastic (actually anyone who got's up in front of the crowd and reads an original poem is cool in my book). So in one way every poets kicked ass, but I enjoyed only a few of the poets at the event.

This wasn't a normal slam though. This was Pittsburgh's Poet Grand Slam Championship, the top 3 poets & 1 alternate go to Texas and represent Team Pittsburgh. We went hoping that the team would include Jenn, but alas twas not so.

Since it was a championship event Jen and every other poet was judged on their performances (with time deductions being enforced), however the exact judging process was not disclosed to the audience. We had no idea what the fuck the judges were looking for in the poets and lord knows that would have been nice since most of the judges sucked major dildo ass clamps!

Jenn would of been on her way to Texas, but in the 1st round some dickhead from Detroit and a shit monger hiding in the back judged her very, very, very fucking poorly (I wish I had gotten their full names so I could send them some Great Dane Poop via the mail LINK). Dude from Detroit gave her a 6 and throughout the night he proceeded to crap on most of the poets with his scores. I would of loved to have an explanation as to why the judges judged the way they did. It made no fucking sense

The night's poetry was comprised of Black Pride, Weight Issues (both fatness and anorexia) and the ever obvious - how much George Bush sucks. All things we can hear about on Cable or Daytime TV or NPR for Christ's sake. A few of the contestants went against the norm (the ubber easy way of rhyming things we ALL have heard before). Jenn was one of those poets going against the grain and so was another dude who entertained us with poems about doing everything half-assed & being eaten by a lioness.

But like I said, most of the poems were about dissing other people, other cultures, other races, other body types and other political parties. They chanted about how bad shit is and why we can't be FREE a freedom chant that included black freedom, freedom to kill the tyrants (V for Vendetta Style) & freedom from the Republican agenda. Fuck freedom, I wanted some poetry to make me smile, to make me cry, to speak to me in a way I haven't looked at before! I wanted poetry that wasn't so filled with angst, madness and ire.

And the judges, yeah the judges ate the verbal blandness up! So team Pittsburgh goes to Texas (the Republican Capital of the world The Kill Me On Death Row State) and they will appear like some whinny ass bitches who perform and write poetry about how much everyone else blows. Singing their mantra of how much pain it is to be labeled a creative genius in Pittsburgh (yes the same Pittsburgh that was part of a blue state in 2004 and the same Pittsburgh that half the nation is still pissed off about for winning a Super Bowl).

Not to mention that somewhere in the night's aura there was this perception that by saying "fuck" in a poem you could be made a lyrical god(dess), at least to the judges. Well fuck the fuck poetry, why won't a poet put CUNT in a poem?

But not everything was bad. Jenn did kick ass. Her poetry and performance made the whole evening worthwhile. The DJ rocked. His name was DJ Select and he did an excellent job at matching the poetry of the performer with their exiting song (kinda like in wrestling). The space was small and his music was pretty loud before the actual performances, but I suspect that complaint may fall into the "I'm too old" category.

I would highly recommend attending a poetry slam for anyone wanting something fun and different to do in plain-old Pittsburgh, just make sure to go on a night the judges are not there to fuck things up. And make sure Jenn D is there doing her erotic dry hump to the audiences ears!

Here is a break down of the entire night & the night's events:

Cover Charge: $5 - not bad for an evening out of the house
Seating: pretty good - about 40 seats available with seating options of - small square cushion seats, two couches, super high bar stool space chair things, hardwood church chairs, floor, stage edge & standing - only problem was that the hard seats made my ass hurt (which is always the case in most public seating venues)
Atmosphere:
good mix of people - plenty of nice looking chicks to look at - seemed a bit clicky
Music: great, but a little loud on the ears
Drink Prices: not sure if they were good or not, I usually only get soda's at bars (a Yuengling and a Sprite was $4)
Parking: non-existing, we had to park on the streets of East Liberty (that's a whole other experience)
Drive (from outside the city):
it took a long time to get there from Sewickley (I would only travel the distance to see a friend perform) - roadways on Liberty Ave & Baum Blvd blow with lots of potholes and bad drivers
Location:
Shadow Lounge - nice bar/lounge located just before East Liberty
Pace:
too slow - seemed like forever between poets - event was scheduled to start at 9 PM but actually got underway close to 10 PM - event lasted to 12:30 AM - host stumbled a few times (saying he would do one thing, but did another) and he had trouble adding numbers up
Bathroom:
never went into the bathroom so beats me
View:
perfect second row in - the stage was elevated from the floor so performers were viewable to everyone

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